My Blog

SCANTLY

I feel so bad...bad about a lot of things lately...its just way too complicated for me...how things turned out this way was a total and utter disaster...

ngdahum ko na okey na jud ang tanan kay giconfimr man ang departure sa minor, ug nagmatch pud ang information, sa dihang dili man diay ug samtang ang bata nagsakay na sa higanteng pumpboat...ang iyahang ginikanan niabot ug gipangita ang ilahang bugtong na iso na nahisalaag...ug sa dihang ako ang naghatag ug confirmation sa iyahang panagtagpo sa lugar nga gitawag nga MANILA..ako pud run ang nadan-ukan sa problema..huhuhuhu

i just feel so horrible with everything that has been going on and for what i significantly contributed to change history that turned out to be a disaster...and what do i get? the humiliation of the entire community...

LOVE BUGZ

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her void. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

- Pablo Neruda

LOVE BUG

And because love battles

not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.

About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.

I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.

What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the danger
of my life, which you know
and which with your passion you shared.

And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.

But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: "The one
you love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she's light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera".

And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the water
of the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.

To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don't know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.

You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.

Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.

-Pablo Neruda

CC

sometimes, what we truly want is vividly in front of us...

If you choose career now, then you will never know when its too late already to fight for an unrequited love...

Everything in life are full of what ifs...

If you want to choose love, then you really have to sacrifice the call of career opportunities...

You shouldn't regret not getting the Plus factor which comes along with having a career.

Let me point out

Career: You go to different places

You can still do that, although limited siya and you have to consider the family....family concerns outweigh personal drive meet new people

YOu meet new people

if you allow you social circle to widen, meeting and befriending new people is all up to you, but when you are married, you maintain a considerable social distance...

you'll earn a lot of money, you get rich

A complete and utter fallacy, people don't get rich because of their career....You should start a company or a business to get filthy rich, anyhow.. thats superficial

you live on the go, you'll not stay long together with your family, you always travel, etc..

If your someone who loves a spontaneous life, then this is one benefit you would love..but remember that people get tired of continually being part of the statistics on NPA

Love life: Settle down in one place, be with the one you love Nothing beats this feelings...you can just lie all day with the one you love. (pero kaon pud panagsa)

be contented with what you earn

But make sure you are able to sustain your family's NEEDS not WANTS

raise a family, look after the welfare of your kids, be a good dad/mom, cook food every day, do laundry,

This is the most difficult challenge in WOMANHOOD!! there are no clear criteria to become awarded as the BEST PARENT, but in our child's eyes, we will always be affirmed of our WORTH and ESSENCE.

eventually you'll get a maid

Be a hands on mom, you might ask someone to clean the house, but do not choose a substitute mom

your kids will thank you someday for being the world's greatest dad/mom, etc..

they don't realize this though until they have a family of their own,,,hehehe

Bottom Line: In CAREER you have winners and losers, but in REAL LOVE, there are no losers...sometimes love don't end up the way you imagined it would be, but the true measure of love is how much we have transcended beyond ourselves to extend oneness with the OTHER...if you think you have found LOVE, you shouldn't let your fears get in the way, there may be tears, but they are of joy and sometimes sadness, there may be problems, but they are challenges... Once you find LOVE, you will never find it again, not in the same intensity, not in the exact same way.

unicorn

nothing is really quite as it seems

humans for one pretend to be good and yet they are conniving scums waiting for the very moment to prey on the least species.  And yet they make their humanity as an excuse? if we were distinctively born good then why do we admit to our fault and credit it to our humanity?? f****

the complexity of it all and the bipolar inclination of the stupified creatures continue to astound and reveal a feral side to the attested civility.

happy new year.

my advise: zealously update your facade

trash talking

This happened to me just this year.

You know what, the witching hour is 3
AM, a conversion of the 3pm death of
CHRIST. Some horror films actually base
it on facts (Exorcism of Emily Rose, THe
omen, etc.)

For the past year, i had this
inclination to wake up at 3 am, this
happened when i slept in my room and
while i was half awake, somebody grabbed
my hair from behind and tried to stab me
with a very pointy object (at that time,
i envisioned long, sharp nails). I was
going to shout to call my sister who was
sleeping in the upper bunk but i could
not utter a single sound. I kept on
muttering and mumbling and i always felt
the stab of pain in my back, I couldn't
turn around because i was afraid to see
the face of this dark creature.

I prayed to God and asked for HIS
intervention, little by little the sharp
object subsided from my back. I couldn't
move through it all. i was holding my
hand to my chest and i could hear myself
breathing, feel myself sweating and i
even pinched my hands to make sure i was
awake and not dreaming.

I am a CHRISTIAN, my forefathers and up
until now, the family goes to the same
church and i go to church as well, quite
active you might say in the Service for
GOD. BUt this incident, i could not
understand.
In the morning, i called the family
together and narrated my ordeal, nobody
paid attention, they said, it was just a
dream, i wasn't awake at that time. They
brushed it off, but i was afraid....

A week since the incident, i started
waking up at exactly 3 am, i just woke
up in the middle of the night and i
looked at my cell phone's time, exactly
3am. SO i prayed to GOD that i will go
back to sleep.

One time, i woke up because my cellphone
beeped, two messages came in. I was
surprised to see that somebody actually
sent me an SMS at 3 AM, as i checked the
message details options, the message was
sent at around 1145 PM, so why did it
beeped at 3 AM?

ONe time my sister told me in the
morning that she felt warm rasping
breathes near her ears, at times i hear
it too.

For the remaining days, i woke up at 3
AM and i started praying hard to GOD,
harder than i used to... I prayed that i
will have a good night's sleep.

I remember when i was 15 years old when
i slept in that same room, i had UROM,
its a Filipino term when somebody who is
sleeping experiences that  somebody
grabbed their throat and they couldn't
breath. you are aware of everything
around you but you couldn't wake up,
they said that to escape this horrifying
experi ence, you have to move your pinkie
toes or wait for someone to wake you up.
I desperately tried to move my toes and
i was able to wake up. I always have
UROM in this room , in this bed,
whenever i did the exact same sleeping
position .


As i continued to Pray, eventually, it
never happened again, i really don't
understand the test given to me, but its
a great relief to know that SOMEONE
actually carries all the burden for it all.

L O V E

If you are in a relationship with any person, Love is without a doubt needed, but it is not what exactly keeps that relationship alive. a few weeks ago, i just found out that a friend of mine has actually went back to what he was reluctant at. Another one actually went on a drastically opposite direction of what he used to be, while another one no longer lived what he believed in. These are three separate individuals and yet they have one common theme. These individuals fought a long standing battle, a battle all of us have actually fought whether at the present, past or in the future (eventually we will struggle in this battle). Indeed the battle is a defying test of fortitude and commitment. These three persons were the best warriors to start with. The first one, after standing for the “bad side” converted to the “good side”. This person defied his own family (who were in the bad side), shed off his comfort zones and started a new satisfying life. With a new assembly of warriors, he fought well and hard, winning many battles and acquiring his own legion of the best warriors. He grew in himself and in others, but sadly, in the long run, the warrior reverted to the old ways. Now, the second warrior, reared in the “good side” had his consciousness focused and narrowed (since it was his only option to begin with). He walked uprightly and become a warrior of valor and full of vigor. He treads in the “good side’s” path for a long long period of time. He overcame challenges with esteemed reputation. But sadly, this warrior eventually lost his protective armor. Gradually the “bad side” rotted his commitment to the core through deceit, sorrow, failure and discontentment. The last warrior was a frontliner in battle. He led the group to become triumphant in every endeavor, in every battle, in every encounter with the enemy. He destroyed and he conquered many. He was indeed an esteemed manpower of the mercenaries. Through him, many leaders emerged, the infantry grew and the cavalry was indispensable. But sadly, the other side won him over. I feel sad for these warriors. I am a witness to their growth, struggle and success, and yet, everything they ever fought for was put into waste when in the end, they no longer recognize the AUTHENTICITY of their EXISTENCE Common theme: RELIGION. By far, these three individuals are but a tip of the iceberg, this is not an isolated case, we know of many brothers and sisters in faith, who after being won over by the RIGHT FAITH, revert, convert, renovate into a FALSE FAITH. After fighting rigidly and insurmountably for the RIGHT FAITH, they fall back to the FALSE ONE. Don’t get me wrong here, I am not advocating a PARTICULAR RELIGION, for religion cannot save us from DAMNATION, it can never account for our SALVATION. Bottom line, it is our PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with our GOD that can save us. And thus, to have that relationship, it should be nurtured, cared for and kept accountable for, but how could that be when we establish a FALSE RELATIONSHIP???

never read them

+ there you pass by
not glancing
not knowing
there I sit by
hoping
waiting


+ !'I love you.!( Know y im telling you this??? So tmorow if I
never wake up u!&ll know that before I die. I!&ve told you that I
really do love you..my friend/ so dat tmorow if I never feel the
same, u'll know that I had once loved you..ryt now I do..i do love
you.

+ Why is it so hard to let yourself be driven by the emotions
that constitute loving when you really want to succumb to love? But
still you can never tell whether you have made the right choice or
not until you discover the real thing.

+ Sometimes I think of myself being in love, but when the doors of
opportunity opens up to me, I can only think that what I thought
would completely be the opposite of my perception. That's pretty
scary.

+ Every waking moment of my life is filled with thoughts of regret
and blame. Because the person I love could never love me back.
Have you ever felt that?

+ Have you ever loved someone so much that you always wonder what
the other person is doing, what goes on their minds, you wanna
share every second with the person, and you can cry because of the
intense emotion.

+ What is more terrible? to love someone who knows you love
him/her but keeps on ignoring you, or to love someone eventhough
you know that his/her feelings for you will vanish? wat is more
painful.

+ We are all losers!It's wen we cling to God that we conquer and
become victorious!!! I myt sound lyk a complete hypocrite, but
sometimes a good beating helps. SNAP OUT OF IT!

love

+ Y tru love waits?coz if its true love that u truly feel for the
person, u do not force yourself into her lyf, u do not impose your
wants. U simply plant your love to her and let it grow through
time, let that person decide if she wants to nurture that seed.
You!&ll know in due time.

+ You do not kiss the person for the sake of kissing. You kiss the
person coz you know it's the right time. Learn to feel the rhythm
and listen to the timing of love.

+ Never know I could have these emotions
Never know feelings unexplored exists
But I cannot deny the odds
Feelings unexplored haunt me

+ You know wat's so freaking crazy about life? Its when people
say you've changed and they make such a big deal out of it. Chill
out. Get real. People just darn change.

+ The airy coldness swepts me in my reverie. People pass by
wondering about the girl in the stairs. Lost in her own utopian
world. I lean on the wall!noticing something!looked
closely!KUGMO!

+ It sucks when you have to withhold telling the person you love
him becoz he opted to love another, but it sucks even more when you
tell the person you love him and eventually you fall for another.

+ From our first hello, till you held my hand. My mind that was
once hollow was then occupied with love.

+ Eyes don't lie. Birds can fly. In you I can rely, but loving
you becomes a sad goodbye. 

+ Y is there a point in a person's life that they fall for
someone who can never really reciprocate the feelings that they
have bestowed upon?

+ Love is like a wind. You can feel it, but you can never fully
grasp it. You can just hope that when it blows your way, you're
prepared for the comforting subtle breeze or the destructive
hurricane. Shit!

+ They say that tears are there to cleanse the eyes, but I believe
it does more than that, it sheds away the pain, it proves that we
are all vulnerable and that we need a friend. It is both an
assurance and a comfort.

+ When I love, I love silently..i let FATE decide.

+ Sumtyms people piss you off intensely that you decide to lay off
being wid the person to avoid further damage, yet dey take it as
though you are mad at them and they hate you even more. 

+ There are instances in a man's life that they long for company,
it can be a dog, a friend, a lover, but I ain't have those.
Somewhat pathetic, but true.

+ Have you ever felt so alone that you see yourself as a star, a
shoulder, a mat, a tissue, a hair in your butthole? Things that are
always there but you never gave a thought!

+ Fate, destiny, soulmate, divine intervention. I strongly
believe in those things. It has infallibly become my philosophy.



+ In dreams;
You're perfect
You're who I want
In dreams;
I'm content
Ethereal joy
In my wake;
You're lost
You're dim
In my wake;
I'm alone
Nobody understands.

+ I fell too hard, soared too high, loved too much. Hid it
inside. He didn't see it, maybe he wasn't meant for it.

+ You'll only know how much the person means to you when you loss them. 

+ The greatest things in life are not empirically evident, yet
they value more than life itself!

never read them

+ there you pass by
not glancing
not knowing
there I sit by
hoping
waiting


+ !'I love you.!( Know y im telling you this??? So tmorow if I
never wake up u!&ll know that before I die. I!&ve told you that I
really do love you..my friend

so dat tmorow if I never feel the
same, u'll know that I had once loved you..ryt now I do..i do love
you.
+ Why is it so hard to let yourself be driven by the emotions
that constitute loving when you really want to succumb to love? But
still you can never tell whether you have made the right choice or
not until you discover the real thing.

+ Sometimes I think of myself being in love, but when the doors of
opportunity opens up to me, I can only think that what I thought
would completely be the opposite of my perception. That's pretty
scary.

+ Every waking moment of my life is filled with thoughts of regret
and blame. Because the person I love could never love me back.
Have you ever felt that?

+ Have you ever loved someone so much that you always wonder what
the other person is doing, what goes on their minds, you wanna
share every second with the person, and you can cry because of the
intense emotion.

+ What is more terrible? to love someone who knows you love
him/her but keeps on ignoring you, or to love someone eventhough
you know that his/her feelings for you will vanish? wat is more
painful.

+ We are all losers!It's wen we cling to God that we conquer and
become victorious!!! I myt sound lyk a complete hypocrite, but
sometimes a good beating helps. SNAP OUT OF IT!

+ Y tru love waits?coz if its true love that u truly feel for the
person, u do not force yourself into her lyf, u do not impose your
wants. U simply plant your love to her and let it grow through
time, let that person decide if she wants to nurture that seed.
You!&ll know in due time.

+ You do not kiss the person for the sake of kissing. You kiss the
person coz you know it's the right time. Learn to feel the rhythm
and listen to the timing of love.

+ Never know I could have these emotions
Never know feelings unexplored exists
But I cannot deny the odds
Feelings unexplored haunt me

+ You know wat's so freaking crazy about life? Its when people
say you've changed and they make such a big deal out of it. Chill
out. Get real. People just darn change.

+ The airy coldness swepts me in my reverie. People pass by
wondering about the girl in the stairs. Lost in her own utopian
world. I lean on the wall!noticing something!looked
closely!KUGMO!

+ It sucks when you have to withhold telling the person you love
him becoz he opted to love another, but it sucks even more when you
tell the person you love him and eventually you fall for another.

+ From our first hello, till you held my hand. My mind that was
once hollow was then occupied with love.

+ Eyes don't lie. Birds can fly. In you I can rely, but loving
you becomes a sad goodbye. 

+ Y is there a point in a person's life that they fall for
someone who can never really reciprocate the feelings that they
have bestowed upon?

+ Love is like a wind. You can feel it, but you can never fully
grasp it. You can just hope that when it blows your way, you're
prepared for the comforting subtle breeze or the destructive
hurricane. Shit!

+ They say that tears are there to cleanse the eyes, but I believe
it does more than that, it sheds away the pain, it proves that we
are all vulnerable and that we need a friend. It is both an
assurance and a comfort.

+ When I love, I love silently..i let FATE decide.

+ Sumtyms people piss you off intensely that you decide to lay off
being wid the person to avoid further damage, yet dey take it as
though you are mad at them and they hate you even more. 

+ There are instances in a man's life that they long for company,
it can be a dog, a friend, a lover, but I ain't have those.
Somewhat pathetic, but true.

+ Have you ever felt so alone that you see yourself as a star, a
shoulder, a mat, a tissue, a hair in your butthole? Things that are
always there but you never gave a thought!

+ Fate, destiny, soulmate, divine intervention. I strongly
believe in those things. It has infallibly become my philosophy.



+ In dreams;
You're perfect
You're who I want
In dreams;
I'm content
Ethereal joy
In my wake;
You're lost
You're dim
In my wake;
I'm alone
Nobody understands.

+ I fell too hard, soared too high, loved too much. Hid it
inside. He didn't see it, maybe he wasn't meant for it.

+ You'll only know how much the person means to you when you loss them. 

+ The greatest things in life are not empirically evident, yet
they value more than life itself!